Welcome Dina. This is a very touchy situation because alcoholics are very sneaky and they lie. Believe me. From your post...I am led to believe that your husband is having issues from his past. These issues are easiest dealt with when he was drinking. Drinking masks problems, it covers them up so we don't feel the real feelings we should be feeling. I spent 30 years drinking and just now am coming to terms with real feelings like happiness, sadness, anger, etc. My (ex) husband always said I was indifferent. And maybe I was somewhat indifferent only because I didn't know how to feel the true sense of my emotions. Everything was always on an even keel.
If your husband is not drinking now he may be having 'issues' with these new feelings that arise. Sometimes they are hard to handle because we certainly don't want to hurt anyone but we need to be honest with our feelings and actually feel them in the open.
My family did not know I drank. After my ex and I separated I got a job (was always a stay at home mom) well, after a few months I went to work drunk and lost my job. When my Mom called asking about my job I had to tell both her and my Dad that I was an alcoholic and headed to rehab and AA, etc. They are my best support and my Dad actually sent me flowers the next day because he could tell I needed to smile. I also had to call my brother and tell him that I was a drunk. No one in my family had any idea after all these years. I hid it pretty well. Very well. It wasn't so much the booze I drank when people watched as the booze I drank when people weren't watching! If we went somewhere I always had had booze beforehand then would 'just have two' to look social. Then when I got home I'd drink more!
As others' said...it's not so much how MUCH you drink as how you FEEL when you drink. If he feels his life was unmaganable with alcohol then who I am I to say he's wrong?!
If your husband felt he had a problem then I would support him.
I love AA -all my friends are there. Why? Because we understand each other. We don't have to explain anything.
As far as the drug testing goes at his job...I know of someone who had his step father give him a sample to use for his job. All your husband has to say to a friend is "hey, I had a couple beers last night, help me out here".
I think marraige counseling might be a good idea since you both need to safe your marriage. That may not be a bad idea.
Wishing you peace and strength.