Dina,
I don't know if your husband is alcoholic or not. You don't know if your husband is alcoholic or not either. Frankly, it doesn't matter whether you believe your husband is alcoholic or not. What matters is that he believes he is alcoholic.
If you were to ask my family, friends, neighbors and colleagues if they believed I am an alcoholic, I would bet you $100 that you would get "resounding no's" as answers. [No, I am not in denial about it. Folks truly did not/do not know that I am an alcoholic.]
No one saw me drunk. No one saw me have more than two drinks at any event, party, gathering. No one saw how much I drank home, alone, hidden from the world. I was a closet drinker. I hid my drinking well. I functioned at work, home, church, community.
On the continuum of alcoholism, I am half-way through the middle stage of alcoholism. Yes, I've had an assessment done by a qualified professional. Had I continued to drink, I am sure I would continue to the end stage of alcoholism. It is a progressive illness.
The problem is by the time the people in my world would have recognized my alcoholism, I would have been in very serious trouble. What a perfect excuse for an alcoholic: no one close to me thinks I'm an alcoholic, so what the hell, I'm going to keep on drinking.
Do you really want to find out to your satisfaction if your husband is alcoholic or not? If your husband is in the middle stage of alcoholism: do you really want him to drink into the end stage of alcoholism before he recognizes a problem and seeks help?
I read in your post: "If my husband would stop thinking himself an alcoholic and if my husband would stop going to AA, then we wouldn't be having all these problems and all these difficulties in our marriage and in our relationship." Really? Are you serious?
My guess is that you have had issues in your marriage and in your relationship long before your husband started going to AA. My suggestion to you is that you focus on you (your health and your well-being) and allow your husband to focus on himself.
Susan