Hello! Welcome to my head! I am separated and still have the same feelings...you are not alone.
Do you attend Al-Anon meetings? They have helped a lot to step out of the crazy thought cycle.
The only reason I am not divorced yet is because of the "wait to do anything drastic the first year of recovery" idea. So I can say that I did. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that I couldn't live with him through that first year. However, I don't "need" to divorce right now so I am not rushing down that road, either. But I needed my own place, and frankly I see that I couldn't go through this with him...I would be too impatient and judgmental. I see now that my leaving is doing him a favor, too.
I love him, but I love me more. In the end, I left to take care of myself in the way that works best for me, and to allow him to take care of himself, in his own way.
Was the best decision I have made in a long time. Now, I can work on my crazy, obsessive thoughts in peace.
I have no idea if we'll stay together or go our separate ways, and I no longer worry much about it. That is progress! I will go on living, regardless of what happens to this relationship. I needed that lesson. It is no longer a priority in my life. I am a priority now.
Have you read Codependent No More? I pull it out when I start to have crazy thoughts again...helps a lot, too.
P.S. - cross post with Suki...funny we said the exact thing about Al-Anon!