He's NOT allowed in my HEAD!!
My stbxah has been really pooring on the charm....his type of charm - name callng, horrible accusations etc. During the times he says awful things the best thing I have learned from here is how to let it go.....to not give him any space in my head. This is SO much easier said than done, but I am getting better at it. I find that I mostly get caught up trying to explain to him how hurtful his words are to me, trying to "make" him understand that he just can't talk to me that way. For example yesterday the last 5 words I heard on the phone were, "dumb a@@, stupid f!($(%( b#($($. That was when I hung up. Obviously he still gets a little space because those words bother me, I don't understand ....but when it was done and said I went about my things to do without it affecting me. But it still bothers me a little which is why I am writing here. I want to give him NO space in my head. When I go in to my how could you say that thing...and he gives me yet another reason how I made him call me names - I know I just need to stop. But in my mind - who would EVER talk to someone that way, then act as if it never happened. In fact reading here it always seemed to me that those who were abusive went thru a cycle of being overly kind and apologetic - at least that seems normal - my stbxah never apologies, he just acts like it didn't happen. This is SO SO SO strange to me.......and trying to understand how he could do that is just completely beyond me. I'm not sure why I even care anymore, but it is just such bizarre behavior.