I am looking for advice and perspective. My AH has been in jail for 7 weeks for burglary and is soon to be transferred to prison for a minimum 2 and a half years. We have only been married for two years and until he was caught and put in jail, he had never been honest with me about his addiction or the lengths he would go to afford his addiction. So, now I have a lot of questions and a bit of a decision to make about our future. It is no small decision for me to leave or stay so I would like to be in conversation with him about our present feelings, thoughts, and goals -- to gage the hope of a healthy marriage in the future.
So far he has admitted that he is tired of lying and that he wants to recover and be sober, but beyond that he will not talk with me about anything "meaningful." I want details and to be able to talk about some of the things that I have learned post lock up. He essentially wants me to forget the past and look to the future and forgive.
I can and will forgive. I know that no matter his place in life I need to take care of me. I am in al-anon, Cel recovery, and about to start step study for codependancy.
My questions are not if I should stay or go, but for some perspective from those who have experienced the pain of incarceration and understand his reasons for superficial connections and advice for me as to realistic expectations for long distance relationship growth.
Thank you so much. I have not been able to connect with anyone yet that understands the incredible life-shift that happens when a loved one is put into prison and their spouses "other life" is exposed, all while those left behind are left without the basic elements to meet their needs physically, let alone emotionally.
