I'm feeling very sad and missing XABF. I have been doing so well, going NC, and realizing that this is truly for the best. But I had this immense sadness sweep over me tonight. It's rather ironic because when I have a few drinks with friends and am feeling buzzed, I have a desire to fix things with XABF and just contact him and know that I have someone to go home to at night. I feel very sad now that I can't
It's rather ironic because everytime he drinks he just hates me and wants to distance himself from me, but I just want to go back to him. I miss just being in his arms and having another being to say goodnight to at the end of my nights. He hates and I just want to love. Why doesn't he feel this? I so wish that he did...
I guess I just need somebody's hand to hold right now