Tuffgirl

It is not easy to disengage. We talk about it a lot here. And it is not easy.

I lost it today.

I got a "friendly reminder" (direct quote, btw) of a payment due on a joint credit card from the estranged RAH. WTF? Since when did he decide that is ok? To send me friendly reminders that bills are due? Ummm... the last time I checked, I was a full-fledged grown up who has paid her own bills all by her grown-up self for more than 2 decades of adulthood.

Why?!! And although I knew in my head - hell my brain was SHOUTING "don't respond, don't respond" why did I respond? He immediately got mad. Of course, he was "just being friendly". But the real issue came out - he doesn't like this "joint" anything. It is the only "joint" anything we had in our marriage. And he doesn't like it. So that wasn't a friendly reminder. That was a controlling poke at me.

And I reacted. Badly. Major overreaction. I am sick to my stomach and near tears. I knew better than to respond to that. But I did, I let my offended feelings get the best of me, engaged in an argument, got my feelings hurt even more, got validation of just how flippin angry he still is at me, and now sit here feeling like a stupid psycho girl.

I told him off. Told him to keep his trust issues on his side of the street. Told him he was acting like his mother (ouch, I know, I was pissed) and I didn't need another parent in my life. He told me to stop talking or texting because I was being abusive. I followed that up with "never ever do that to me again. I don't treat you this way. Please don't do it to me". The thing is, I am not being abusive. I am angry. I am PISSED OFF! He is not hearing me. I hate that. Why is it so hard to just acknowledge me?

Why is it so hard for me to just shut the heck up?