When I first toyed with the idea of recovery, I first did a lot of thinking, because my original reaction to the term "sobriety" was that it was a sentence to decades of austere, self flaggelating misery. And why in the world would I want that?
As I thought more and moe about my life in active addiction, and what my life could be, I came to understand that sobriety is not about all the things we take away from ourselves, and deny ourselves, it is MUCH more about what we allow ourselves to have. It's about giving ourselves the best life we can have, the most opportunities, choices, etc, that I never had in active addiction.
My disease lied to me, and told me that being sober meant being half dead and with nothing to do but twiddle my thumbs and pine for the past. But that is nonsense! Addiction is what robbed me of both life and the will to live. Addiction stole my choices and freedom from me. Sobriety is a gift I give myself. A state of being I allow myself to be in. It's not about not having that next fix, it's about having time, energy, money and freedom to be too busy to want another "fix".
Occasionally I have a "using" dream, and I wake up thinking "oh no! what have I done!!?" Because now the idea of using horrifies me, using is the nightmare, when once the idea of not having my next fix available is what sent me into a tail spin.
You keep walking the walk and you'll find out what I mean.