Thank you all so so much. You have helped me incredibly already. I still feel pretty raw emotionally but much stronger. Yes, I know exercise is big and I have double jogger but with work and everything I don't get out much. I have trainer come at lunch one day a week at work to work our butts off and in a good week I get out one other time. AH is NOT supportive at all and grumbles any time I do anything on my own, whether it's getting groceries or getting my hair done. But mostly, if I have the chance the choice between a nap and a run is a tough one - sleep usually wins. And that's an issue for me right there. My only time to myself is late evening by the time the kids are asleep and dishes are done so I tend to stay up WAY too late. Then if a kid is sick or has a nightmare my 6 hours of sleep is interrupted and cut down to 4 or 5. Last week I tried to have lights out by 10 but only lasted 2 nights and here I am. Maybe I'll take baby steps and make 11 the cut off ( which means i'll be getting off here in a few minutes. But before I do: thank you thank you thank you. I am not crazy after all. And Btw, yes, he white knuckling it. He did rehab about 15 years ago and managed to stay in recovery for 18 mos or so. He knows everything about recovery and never wants to talk about anything. And from what I gather it doesn't sound like worked actually worked through the steps at all then either. Anyway, enough about him and on to sleep and taking care of myself. Good night and thanks again.