Man, just spent the last three days drunk basically. Horrible. So day 1 (again). Had the sense to tip away all my booze last night before I went to "sleep". Feel very disappointed in myself but sober today, by choice again, and hoping to make it work this time.
Meetings don't seem to be working the way they used to. On Friday, I walked out of a great meeting, was walking home feeling really positive then next thing I know I'm in a pub ordering a half. Bang, three days drunk. Was supposed to go to an AA convention yesterday but cancelled so I could drink.
This is so much harder than I could ever have thought. Trying to keep positive though. Put out a load more job applications today and now about to make myself some lunch after I've cleared up the aftermath of the bender that is my flat.
Got a meeting tonight to go to and not looking further ahead than today. I know a few false starts are quite normal, but I'm scared to death of this irrational part of my head. Think it is lonliness that causes it more than anything. We have a very social culture in pubs in the UK - alcohol has destroyed all my real relationships and my family all live at the other end of the country so often the pub is the only place I can talk to people.
I know meetings solve this too, but it is nice to just go talk about football or whatever sometimes. Maybe I'll get to the point where I can drink soft drinks in pubs. I don't know. I know it is a dangerous game to play.
Really what I need is a job. All this free time is my biggest enemy at the moment. But hard to come by round here, especially since I sold the car. Oh well, being drunk won't make the situation better - quite the reverse - so staying sober doesn't depend upon any of these things. It's an issue to be treated seperatley I guess.
Thanks for reading.