Trying to stay strong
My AH has been sober 90 days, since he did his best to blow up our marriage by being constantly drunk even at work and having an affair. Sounds cold, but I know it had nothing to do with me and I am willing to work on our relationship as long as he stays sober.
I am trying to maintain a detached attitude for my sanity and to protect our teenagers.
Today he went to a friend's house. He used to drink with them and hasn't been in the last few weeks though he has hung out with them at various times. He made a point of telling me he could go and not drink. I told him he will drink or not drink. I reminded him that, despite the many things that were said in the heat of the moment in the last few weeks, I meant what I said when I told him I would not stay with him if he starts drinking again. It has nothing to do with me and I do not worry, because that is crazy-making and I've had enough crazy.
He was very quiet when he left and though I've texted him he has not responded. I am curious to see what happens next. If he will do what's right for himself or try to test me. Only time will tell, right?
It's ridiculous to live with this illness...at times I feel like the road ahead is just going to be filled with chasms of doubt. How will I continue to live like this? I don't know what to think sometimes..