Sharkbait, I so agree with Tuffgirl. Hang on, it's going to be a bumpy ride. A's have to deflect blame onto us---otherwise they'd have to look in the mirror---and they just can't do that. And those who are closest to us, our spouses, for example, know just where to throw those darts so they hurt the most. I heard about the terrible wife and mother I've been, that he never loved me, that I caused him to start smoking, that he drinks because I am nothing to come home to, that I caused him to lose his job (because of an affair! How'd I do that?!?), and on and on and on. My point is that it is SO difficult to walk away from that quacking but SO necessary that you do. Arguing doesn't work because they can't hear it. And you already know how SURE of themselves they can be!
But the more I walked away, the easier it became. I left him swaying in the kitchen more than once with a stupid "what just happened?" look on his face, when he was hoping for a fight.
Sending good thoughts your way, Sharkbait. We've been there and are still here to tell about it! so let us know how you're doing.