MeredithD1

For some A's, lying is part of the disease. My AH is one of these.

Before I read Al-Anon principles and materials, I'd confront him when I found the empty bottles. He'd only admit to drinking when I found physical evidence. (Then there was the, "That was from a long time ago" quack.) If I didn't have an empty bottle in my hand when confronting him, he'd lie about it.

For some A's, being abusive is part of the disease. My XAH was one of these. Abuse included blaming me for his drinking, making accusations at me when he was trying to cover up his drinking, doing his best, in public, to make me look subserviant to him.

Before Al-Anon, with my XAH (He's my ex husband and still alcoholic, as I've seen from his YouTube and Facebook accounts before I banned/blocked him before he could find me), I used to try and make sense to him, stand up for myself, calm him down (mostly so I could feel safer in the moment). He didn't hit my physically, but I sure felt the hits mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I struggled my way out of that marriage and am grateful to have gotten out.

Since becoming familiar with the concepts of Al-Anon with my AH, I have stopped confronting him. I don't look for bottles any more, although I sometimes come across them because he hasn't hidden them well. I no longer say anything about that. (He'd lie anyway, if I confronted him.)

And as I am taking care of myself and not judging him/confronting him over his disease, he has become more truthful with me, talking about his struggles. He's been doing AA meetings every night except for three, in the past 2 months. He is not abusive; when he is detoxing, he sometimes gets a little snippy, more argumentative than normal, so I just remove myself from his presence rather than trying to reason with him, which hasn't worked when he's detoxing anyway.