Originally Posted by
jennybeth 
And most notable I'm like really pissed that it didn't work, that I'm still alive. Last night, I took a bottle (30) of Ambien and also one bottle of clonidine. I have not idea why I'm still alive but again am just really annoyed that it didn't work. I woke up this morning really groggy, but like, WTF???
I don't ever see an end to the pain and loneliness I feel. This is just my problem, I don't want to trigger anybody. Most folks probaby aren't nuts in this way!!!
Welcome, welcome, welcome, sister, know that hope exists for you.
I too, was a failure at living and wanted to die, so bad I tried it, similar method as you, a bottle of sleeping pills washed down with a bottle of Everclear. Obviously I failed at that too, as evident by the fact that I am typing this, lol.
When you can't live and you can't die what else is a person to do??? A text book that some friends gave me reads like this:
"If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help. This we did because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort."
After several in and out trips in some fascinating institutions His grace landed me back in the fellowship of Alcoholic's Anonymous. Today, I follow specific directions from the text book that fellowship uses and my life as been on fire ever since...beyond my wildest dreams. No more being lonesome, depressed, etc...
If there is anything else I can do for you please let me know.
God could and would if he were sought.
AABB1st