Originally Posted by
jennybeth 
And most notable I'm like really pissed that it didn't work, that I'm still alive. Last night, I took a bottle (30) of Ambien and also one bottle of clonidine. I have not idea why I'm still alive but again am just really annoyed that it didn't work. I woke up this morning really groggy, but like, WTF???
I don't ever see an end to the pain and loneliness I feel. This is just my problem, I don't want to trigger anybody. Most folks probaby aren't nuts in this way!!!
While I never tried to intentionally commit Suicide, there are many nights when I should have died from OD mixtures of Minithins , and depressants + alcohol. I mean heart stopping amounts.
Not to mention the Acid + Butane inhaling + weed nights.
I actually prayed many a night that I wake up in the morning. At times I prayed that if I should die before I wake to keep my daughter and her mother safe and to take care of them.
I can't help but feel ( and maybe it's my ego ) that perhaps God had other plans for me. That he he had plans for me that did not involve dying.
It's possible that the same may be true for you. I wish you luck in finding the peace you are looking for and like others have said , please contact someone and talk to them.