This part really sticks out: "even IF, he did come to me as say, "I have a problem, I need help." "
When I worked myself around to "I won't live with an active alcoholic, even if he is getting help" - that's when I started to act on my plans. I doubt that my ABF, who still doesn't see that he has a serious drinking problem, will ever stop drinking. He's a wonderful man, and he's taking some small steps toward being healthier. It's not enough for me to move back in!
I guess what I'm saying is that you can only go by the events that are actually presented. If your AH started AA and stopped drinking, you still wouldn't have an involved husband and father. Would you be okay with that? Or would you be better off living elsewhere? And that's a huge 'if' - that hasn't happened. So this is where detachment comes in. You can detach from the hope, and still have a little kernel of magic, while you go on filing for divorce and selling the house and moving.
Detachment doesn't mean you don't care. It means that you are going ahead with living according to your values in the face of absurdity and hope.
- Sylvie