Wow!, awsome posts NobleCause, you really have a way of putting into words what most of us feel. Loss, guilt, fear, anger, boredom, depression/anxiety etc. etc., my escape plan was always to numb it all out with alcohol. Learning to face whatever life throws our way with a fearless heart and mind is truely the ultimate goal and acceptance of the entire package, on its terms, is the hardest part. Thanks again for the insight N/C.