Originally Posted by
Alone22 
If I dare suggest that I expect him to behave as history shows he will, I get told that bc I am so convinced he's going lie/drink/break promises etc... I create the very thing I want to avoid. WTBH this very conversation happened at my house this morning almost word for word! I told him I have very little hope that things will change. His response was something like "why should he even try to change if the likelihood of me believing it is so low". I pointed out to him that he should want the change for himself and how I respond to it or not should not be a deterrent from him wanting to do it. He either wants to be sober and recovered or he doesn't. Whatever I do, think or feel should not change his desire. I know how true recovery works now....they have to want it for themselves. BTW he quit drinking 2 weeks ago on Mother's Day when I told him he could not come with us to our family event.
That's soooo familiar-- all of it. The "why should I bother" part especially. After lying since our marriage began, he tells the truth once or twice and then would say to me (in recent months) "why should I even bother telling the truth when you're not going to believe what I say anytime soon?". Clearly the ONLY reason for being honest is to get, what? Me saying "yay you're awesome, now I believe everything you say and go ahead back to lying and doing what you want and I'll pretend I don't see it?!" :rotfxko
Sorry you had such a miserable conversation this morning... It's like banging your head against a wall isn't it, having those kind of "talks" with an A, IMHO.