Originally Posted by
Alone22 
I wanted to give it a year before I made any major decisions. I wanted to work on my health via alanon, therapy and reading, get to a better place emotionally, mentally etc first. After realizing the above, coupled with the deplorable marriage I have I need to start really thinking about making changes sooner rather than later. I am a stay at home mom and haven't worked in 11 years. Going back to work, getting a divorce, putting my kids through it all, trying to find out how to get them to and from school, finding after school care is all overwhelming to me. I feel like I am barely coping now without all that additional stress. I am trying to envision how much better I will feel once I am stable and away from the craziness of dealing with an A....but with 3 kids we will always be connected at some level. I worry about not being with my kids when they are with AH. How will I know they are okay?
You can still take a year before making any major decisions. All the steps you spelled out will get you to a better place. One step at a time, one day at a time, one moment at a time.
Each step is a decision and you can put them in order and not make any you don't want to. Building a network of babysitters, connecting with HP, saving some money for yourself, finding some time alone, getting a job.
Each little step moves you to a better place.
You were in this situation for a long time and some of it worked. Once you realize this is your journey to go at your pace with or without AH you will start coming out of the fog and the path will open up for you.
I was away from the workforce for over 10 years and am now working full time. I saved some money for myself and it relieves some of my anxiety. It did not however solve everything. I am still struggling and holding on to a dead marriage and an AH that may or may not be seeking recovery.
The steps I took were not exactly baby steps and somewhat of an explosion and although I always made sure my kids were safe, I am now back pedalling to work on some of the emotional issues we had dealing with anger and separation from AH.
My 17 year old was a help and thankfully she can be a help while she also learns along with me how to be supportive with boundaries. Learning boundaries is a big thing for me. It allows me to ask for the help I need and not get involved with other people's drama. I learned which friends to rely on for certain things and which to stay away from for certain things.
Alanon, SR, my HP and counseling all got me to a so much better place inside myself, 1 1/2 years later. I am still married to AH, the job contract I have is running out, my AH is still not in recovery.
My kids are doing great in school, they have lots of friends. College is looming for my oldest and no I don't know how it is going to be paid for and yes she may not be able to go to the college that she thinks is the best for her.
It's all ok because I can stop every once in a while and truly enjoy so much that I missed before while I was running around being responsible for everyone but myself.
I hope you find something in my post A22 to help you on your journey. Every moment you focus on yourself and not on your AH is a better place to be.