Welcome. You are in the right place. I hope you are going to meetings, Al Ateen and Al Anon. Everyone there WILL understand. You are very strong to have gone through what you've gone through and are going through -- and to sound like you sound! The faith, belief, the strength. I admire you!
I used to think my wife chose the bottle over me. I got angry. It compounded and made me feel worse, and I got unhealthy. But I soon realized she did not chose the bottle over me. Their decisions are sick. The person is sick. There is no rational thinking. The thought process is not one over the other. I came to learn this.
All the best.