Rose,
You have described exactly what I am feeling. The confusion is almost unbearible. Today I was just about in tears thinking about the man that I fell in love with and married and then realizing where we are today. I struggle with the "how to treat" them thing daily. It is almost like if your nice to them that you are approving there behavior. At least that is how I feel. I HATE it.
The trust thing is really a tough call. I have the same problem with my A and the local bar has been a real issue. He has agreed to stop going there, but has already broken that one. I really try not to rely on him for the "big stuff". I have a very good friend that tells me that one day I am going to wake up and realize that I am doing things by myself and really don't need him anyway. Maybe it will happen. Until then we just have to take it moment by moment.
Sounds like your really doing well with doing things for yourself. Keep it up, I think that gives us great strenght to realize that we are people with likes and dislikes too.
God Bless,
Contsant