This has to be it!
I think the drinking is starting to get the best of me.
I went to AA about 5 years ago for a few months, but I think at that time, I didn't really "get it." I get it now. My gf confronted me about it a few times and offered help. Two days ago she said something to me that made this decision final....she said that since we are looking to have kids and a family in the next few years and I'll be the one to carry the baby (we are in a same sex relationship) and she has worries in her head about my ability to be a partner and a mother, especially am I able to not drink for 9 months. This hit me like a frieght train.
On top of this, I know drinking has been a negative thing for me. Anywho, I know AA, and I probably have to get myself to a meeting ASAP. I have two things that bother/scare me:
1) I'm sure it gets easier, but how does one deal with the cravings? I mean I have been drinking under almost all cicumstances for a few years and how do you deal with the feeling that a drink will make it all better, and knowing that it will make it better...with the consequences after.
2) I've always had this I can do anything attitude and when it comes to my gf, I'm the one that takes over in stressful situations and solves problems. She has offered and I want to come to her for help, because obviously I will need it...how do I get over the ego part? I feel in a way that by coming to her, I've given up.