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Old 05-19-2011, 12:10 PM   #1 (permalink)

Join Date: May 2011
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This has to be it!

I think the drinking is starting to get the best of me.

I went to AA about 5 years ago for a few months, but I think at that time, I didn't really "get it." I get it now. My gf confronted me about it a few times and offered help. Two days ago she said something to me that made this decision final....she said that since we are looking to have kids and a family in the next few years and I'll be the one to carry the baby (we are in a same sex relationship) and she has worries in her head about my ability to be a partner and a mother, especially am I able to not drink for 9 months. This hit me like a frieght train.

On top of this, I know drinking has been a negative thing for me. Anywho, I know AA, and I probably have to get myself to a meeting ASAP. I have two things that bother/scare me:

1) I'm sure it gets easier, but how does one deal with the cravings? I mean I have been drinking under almost all cicumstances for a few years and how do you deal with the feeling that a drink will make it all better, and knowing that it will make it better...with the consequences after.

2) I've always had this I can do anything attitude and when it comes to my gf, I'm the one that takes over in stressful situations and solves problems. She has offered and I want to come to her for help, because obviously I will need do I get over the ego part? I feel in a way that by coming to her, I've given up.
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Old 05-19-2011, 01:10 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi and Welcome!

It's great that you recognize you need to deal with your alcoholism before you plan to have a family with your girlfriend.

And, yes it does get easier. When I stopped drinking, I couldn't imagine getting through an evening without drinking. I had no clue what I would do. What worked for me was changing my routines and daily patterns. I had to do something different after supper so I would stop thinking about drinking and getting out of the house and taking long walks helped me on so many levels. Strong cravings don't usually last very long and small things like chewing gum can help, blasting some music, playing with your pet, whatever works for you.

It's really hard to put your ego aside, but you know what, it's a big part of recovery. When I began recovery, I realized how much I had been an ego-driven person, and I had lost the sound of my soul. I needed to get that back again.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Marianne Williamson
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Old 05-19-2011, 03:12 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi 4mymel

Cravings get easier...although it can be a lot of work in the early days.

I was committed to staying sober so I just rode them out...I rationalised them for what they addiction.

I think it's important to have a strong support base too - noone does this alone - and between SR and AA and your partner it sounds like you should have that

Ego, though, is a big one...I was a go to guy too - I was the fixer....but I think I've actually grown a lot from reaching out and receiving help. I'm a lot more balanced and compassionate, and connected than I used to be - another benefit of recovery.

Welcome aboard
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Old 05-19-2011, 05:31 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I'm not the kind to be vulnerable or reach out for help, either. This is one thing, though, that I could absolutely not do with my own willpower. Sobriety has taught me that it actually takes a lot of courage to face our weaknesses.

Glad you joined us!!
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Old 05-19-2011, 07:41 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome 4MyMel...glad you found us. And how wonderful it will be to start a family. How exciting.
Last time you went to AA and didn't get wasn't your time. Life is a series of events. Ever notice when you think you've got it mastered and life is good -a monkey wrench gets thrown in the engine? Why? Because you may have started following your heart but then veared off and didn't listen anymore. Now I think your ears are open and you know you have alot more at stake. So take it for what its worth but go with your gut and follow your heart and quitting will be 'easier' than fighting life tooth and nail. If you need a crutch, go to you significant other for support. You may be pleasantly surprised that this is just the thing that draws you both closer. Maybe she would appreeciate being able to 'emotionally contribute' and help you along.
Cravings do go we busy ourselves in a new life and our mind gets refreshed and doesn't need the stale thinking anymore, we realize there is so much more and cravings just aren't needed anymore.
Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself to become a new person. ~ Gerard Way

Many things can be preserved in alcohol. DIGNITY is not one of them.
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Old 05-20-2011, 05:58 AM   #6 (permalink)

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My gf is a saint. She's noticed my behavior, but turned a blind eye for a little while because I told her that "I got it." She says she couldn't watch me do this to myself anymore. Our conversation was on Tuesday night and yesterday she was acting weird. I knew something was up. Yesterday was also the day when I knew it had to end. So when she came home from work last night she voiced her concerns and offered support. She actually even looked up an AA meeting close to the house that we could both go to. She wants to come with me. I love her more than anything. No one has ever stepped up for me like that and offered help, although many times in my life you could tell that I was in trouble.

I NEED to do this for me, for us, and for our (yet to be here) little ones.
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