Originally Posted by
Thumper 
I also think it is OK to tell his family you no longer want contact with them. There is no point in it really. His treatment is his problem and I'm quite certain he can get excellent care without your input - to think otherwise is just dramatic on the part of his family. If they are telling him they talk to you - that is just feeding into him driving past or getting crazy thoughts etc.
His daughter did make it very clear, in her email, that not only was she not going to tell him that she spoke to me, she also believed it would be extremely unhealthy for his mental state. He words, actually, from the email:
Because he is suffering so intensely over the breakup, I cannot imagine it would be beneficial for him to know... It would give him a false sense of hope and that is the last thing he needs right now.
I have made it clear to the family that I am no longer speaking with them.
The only reason I left his sister's number unblocked is because she has been extremely understanding throughout the whole affair, over Christmas and afterward. Her husband is also an alcoholic, as well, so she understands - and I wanted to leave that line available to her in case
she needed it for
herself. If she calls again regarding XABF, of course, I will block her number as well.
Originally Posted by
Tuffgirl And make note of his patterns...does he appear at certain times of each month - like when there's a full moon? Certain time of the day? Human beings have patterns, we just need to pay attention to see them.
XABF is all about his own patterns! He doesn't know any of mine, because he always dictated what they should be, and I'm following my preferences right now, which are completely different.
My work schedule is also haphazard right now as well. I have been going in when I feel like it, and leaving when I've had enough. (This is one of those reasons why I like my job. *Grins*)
Before this visit I would have said he appears always on a Monday (now he's done a Tuesday, but still, early in the week), later in the day at work, or immediately on his drive home after work (which will vary slightly, so anytime between 5pm and 7pm, with more emphasis in the middle hour of that).
At my apartment, I suspect he looks for my car in the parking lot (it was always parked in the same place) and when he doesn't find it, he'll leave within a half hour. I have a different car now, and park in a completely different spot both at work and at home, so that part is easy.
I'm usually at my desk when I'm at work. There's not much I can do about that, unfortunately. However, I can make sure that I leave if there's not a lot of people around, and as long as there's people around XABF will want me to walk somewhere "more private." I have my phone next to me with our security number on it, so I can call security at work. I also have exit plans mapped. Some afternoons I can also spend a lot of the time upstairs talking to one of the groups I support, so there's that option as well.
The guy who sits next to me at work knows what's going on.
So does the guy who sits two offices down from me. (He also lives 5 minutes from my apartment, so we exchanged phone numbers).
So does one of the guys upstairs, who has volunteered to come down if I need him, and we picked out a code word.
I've got everything mapped out to get out of the situation safely.
I just wish it wasn't necessary.