That's what's so great about this forum. You feel like you're going crazy and when you come on this forum, you realize your feelings are completely normal.
My AH won't go to meetings or get help either. I can't count the number of times he has tried on his own and is still failing. What's worse he admits he has a problem. Then when he doesnt drink he mourns when he sees other people drinking in their back yards, etc. He had about 2 weeks sober. I came home once and he was drinking and totally detatched. When I came home later that week and he was drunk while having the kids, I reached my breaking point.
Yeah my job is stressful enough. I'm in charge so I have a whole team to be responsible for. I see the alcoholics with cirrhosis in their 40's going through withdrawal and I think about how that could be my AH in a few years. Luckily I love my job and my coworkers. Work is a great outlet for me right now.