ICURN,
I just wanted to welcome you. I work in the ICU's too but am a P.T. Your work is stressful enough without having to come home to an unsure environment.
The push/pull is really difficult. It's hard when there is a glimmer of hope because that is so what we want to believe in (that things will get better). My husband is sober (almost 6 years) but unfortunately has not worked a recovery program. I am in the process of disengaging and leaving and it is extremely difficult to do. He has become very emotionally and verbally abusive at times - then apologetic...the entire abusive cycle. Again and again. I am finally doing something about it but it is really really difficult.
I think that the advice to go to Alanon meetings and to find a counselor that understands addiction is really on target. That is what I have done and it has been incredibly helpful.
Glad that you have found our forum. It is a great resource. Sending you warm thoughts.