Therapy with someone that knows about codependency. I am finding more motivation and enthusiasm, something I never had before. Group therapy also helped me.
I recommend the book
Amazon.com: Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthough Program to End Negative Behavior...and Feel Great Again (9780452272040): Jeffrey E. Young, Janet S. Klosko, Aaron T. Beck: Books
It is WONDERFUL! it has exercises and questions.
It talks about common pitfalls, one is abandonment, I feel you also fear abandonment..
So one of the exercises there and that I did is a letter to myself, in the book they show examples, mine said
"Dear Tc999
Right now you are stressed because ____________ is not near you and you feel abandoned. Normal life and normal relationships are flexible, a momentary distance does not mean anything. You can let go of false ideas about yourself and realize the past is no longer your reality. You walk with Godīs (HP, nature,, whatever you might believe) protection... "
Well of course its way better explained in the book but opening that letter when I feel abandoned has been very soothing. I hope you can get that book! among all the "self help" ones this is my favorite, very practical, with very clear examples and explanations, and simple activities that go a long way.