How How How

Old 05-16-2011, 02:37 PM
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How How How

How do i get rid of my negative thinking? How do i let go of all the let downs in the past and move forward?

i was married to an A for 5 years, and finally got the strength to go over 9 months ago. i have realized how much better my life is, i've dated a little hear and there, and had my heart broken by some people that i never thought would do it.

Here's where i'm at now. I was finally living life by myself, perfectly content on being single, when the most wonderful man came along. He is supportive, thoughtful, caring, loving, you name it, it's him. He always calls when he says he will, he listens to me and we can talk about anything. Of course this always happens when you least expect it to, but i'm really enjoyiing it.

Here lies my problem. If he doesn't call me when he normally does for any very valid reason, my mind instantly thinks something is wrong. He doesn't like me anymore, he's mad, he's found someone else. You name it, i've thought it. But then he calls and i'm all better. This is my co-dependency shining through isn't it? i want to enjoy this new love, these butterflies, and everything else that goes with it, but will the co-dependant in my ever go away? should i make him aware that my brain does this?

Just looking for some hope that it does get better and someone to tell me to settle down and enjoy it because i would be dumb to sabotage this.

Thanks everyone, reading this forum everyday has gotten me through a lot of bad times.
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Old 05-16-2011, 03:12 PM
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I think it's great that you are recognizing your feelings. Also, I think it is normal after living with an alcoholic for years to have moments of waiting for the other shoe to fall even if it is no longer valid. Progress not perfection.
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Old 05-16-2011, 03:50 PM
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Therapy with someone that knows about codependency. I am finding more motivation and enthusiasm, something I never had before. Group therapy also helped me.

I recommend the book Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthough Program to End Negative Behavior...and Feel Great Again (9780452272040): Jeffrey E. Young, Janet S. Klosko, Aaron T. Beck: Books

It is WONDERFUL! it has exercises and questions.
It talks about common pitfalls, one is abandonment, I feel you also fear abandonment..

So one of the exercises there and that I did is a letter to myself, in the book they show examples, mine said

"Dear Tc999

Right now you are stressed because ____________ is not near you and you feel abandoned. Normal life and normal relationships are flexible, a momentary distance does not mean anything. You can let go of false ideas about yourself and realize the past is no longer your reality. You walk with Godīs (HP, nature,, whatever you might believe) protection... "

Well of course its way better explained in the book but opening that letter when I feel abandoned has been very soothing. I hope you can get that book! among all the "self help" ones this is my favorite, very practical, with very clear examples and explanations, and simple activities that go a long way.
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