Icurn I hear you on the just tell me you are not quitting and stop hiding and lying about it. My AH always hides and lies, period. He will fully admit he is an A, goes to AA meetings etc, but still continues to drink. I have stepped back and asked myself if in fact I would want him to openly drink and not hide? The answer was nope, I actually like it better if he doesn't drink in front of me because I know it would really upset me if he did. So now I just accept the fact the he is playing this game of hid and go drink then lie about it. The difference for me at this point is that now I am not part of the game, the only person that is still playing it is him. If he wants to lie and hid and continue to fool only himself then so be it. I know what he is doing and dwelling on it doesn't do a thing to change it. I am taking time to heal me and through the healing process and letting go and letting God I believe the right answers for me will come in time. For me to find true happiness and serenity I may need to leave my marriage of 21 years, but maybe not. I just know right now I don't have to make any long determine decisions. I am done being mad about his drinking, now I just focus on his behavior.