As far as a counselor- where should I look?
As Starcat suggested - do look for a counselor/therapist with alcoholism experience, it really does make a huge difference.
I started by going to my doctor who recommended a psychotherapist at the surgery. I went to six sessions with him but he kept telling me to leave and at that stage I certainly wasnt ready to. He offered me very little in the way of working on myself. I stopped going.
When things got bad again with AH, I searched online for therapists and read up about them and where they have experience in and found one who had a lot of experience working with alcoholics.
She has been great. She cant relate but she knows the alcoholism talk, so I feel that she at least understands a little of what I go through. I told her about my previous sessions and being told to leave all the time, so she stayed clear of discussing that with me other than in coversations about putting me first etc. For instance, I was talking about how my husband behaviour really upsets me the most when it is directed towards our daughters. She told me thats because my daughters are so important to me but that I am important too. That stuck. In fact lots of things we have talked about have stuck with me and I now feel like I am too worthy of having an alcoholic in my life and I can do so much better!
BTW - I dont really feel angry or sad at the moment. (just a little) I feel empowered to move on with my life and looking forward to the challange.