Welcome to SR ICURN,
I am pleased that you have found us and this is a great place to vent. You will find many on SR who can empathise with you because we have been exactly where you are, including me. I would like to share my ESH (experience, strength and hope)
My AH of 23yrs (on 28th May) admits he is an alcoholic but still drinks. I have spent the past 18months at Al-anon learning and trying to detach from my AH drinking and behaviours but havent been very successful. I still notice him drinking, hiding smoking and the money coming out of our bank account and it upsets me a lot. I have been verbally abused for the past 22 years, so my self esteem had taken a battering. I have been going to therapy for the past year and this has helped a lot.
My youngest DD was 17yrs old when her dad started bullying her. She was tired of walking on eggshells and didnt feel safe in her own home when she was alone with her dad. She moved out and is much happier being away from that unwanted stress in her life. She too, knows that her dad is an alcoholic. When I spoke to my AH about our daughter leaving due to his bullying, he said that she would have left anyway eventually. He doesnt get what he has done and is lucky that he still has a relationship with her at all.
One day, after seeing my doctor, I thought that I could end up dying due to my husbands alcoholism. I was stressed, depressed, suffering cronic migraines, am overweight with high collestorol and I have an AH who continues to choose alcohol over me and our family. It was at this point that I decided that I matter and I am important. I matter to me, my health matters to me, my life matters to me and so I told my AH of 23yrs that he has chosen to carry on drinking and thats his choice but I had a choice too, whether to stay and live with an alcoholic or leave. I chose to leave.
Currently we are cohabitating (in seperate rooms) whilst I look for somewhere to move to on my own. We are talking about a 50/50 split due to the fact that we both work and earn equal amounts. Even my husbands pride and joy(his boat) that he has waited at least 6 years to own is going to be sold. It is stressful living in these circumstances but I feel as though a huge load has been taken from me. I still get stressed when I see beer purchases coming out of the account but I tell myself its not for long and do something nice for myself instead. My AH is going to lose me (and I am great!) our 23yr marriage, half our savings and his boat and all so he can have a beer.
Sometimes I think what a waste of a good marriage and then I remind myself that the marriage cant be that good if it comes second to beer. Beer is pretty low in the contest stakes!
Stick around, keep reading. Look into Al-anon. You will find your own way.