I totally know what you're talking about.
I've been broken up from my exabf (off and on for 3.5 yrs) since December, but did not stop talking to him until mid-March when I gave him the ultimatum of stop drinking or lose me. He let me walk.
PRior to that, he had put a gun in his mouth when drunk and threatened suicide. I am still having problems with PTSD and anxiety after all this. I used to get panic attacks that had subsided, but all this started them back up. I will someitmes feel sheer terror, knowing my ex is an alcoholic with a gun.
I too have felt the need for validation from him but he's wiith an alcoholic, pothead ex right now, and its' forced me to totally give him up and turn to myself. I mean, he is in total train wreck mode. The only thing I know to keep doing is, go to al-anon. Work on the 12 steps. Therapy. The aftermath of an alcoholc rel'ship is like having lived thru a war-requires a lot of healing.
Originally Posted by
ErinGoBraugh 
Thank you very, very much to each of you for your warm welcomes! I appreciate any and all support you can lend me. There seem to be kind and wise people in this place, and I'm glad I found my way here.
At this point, I think my other question deals with fear. Why am I afraid? What exactly am I afraid of? Does my fear stem from needless worry? After all, I have no control over the outcome of my AH's fate; I can only control my own, and even that isn't assured. Life sure throws some curve balls at me from time to time. I'll find myself watching t.v. just to keep my mind off that vague feeling of foreboding - like Chicken Little running around screaming, "THE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS FALLING!"
That's when I throw up my hands and think, so what if it is? I can't hold up the sky!
Does anyone understand the vague discomfort and fear that hits me at times? I also am beginning to see that I desperately wanted my husband to validate me. The last year we were together, I just wanted to get away from what he had become. Now that we've been apart for almost a year, I still want validation from him. Why?