The parenting is absolutely unmanageable for me.
We are seperated, but I am heading toward making a real break.
Like, no contact, like MOVE the heck out of Dodge.
I vascillate wildly between knowing and wanting that, and falling into illusion.
One thing that keeps me on track, more than other things lately:
I used to say, I know he has a disease, if I could only get him sober...I would never put up wth this sh*t if he was sober! Who would...
Guess what? He is sober. He is a grade A A88hole.
I have to remind myself, that while he has made changes, they are ALL ON HIS TERMS< TIMELINE< COMFORT LEVEL< AND at HIS CONVENIENCE>
MY LIFE has not changed too much at all since he got sober.
He doesnt sleep around. He doesnt call drunk after 10pm. He doesnt call drunk at all.
Honestly, thats all I can say, because even when he was drunk he saw his son occassionally.
Even when he was drunk I got $328/ child support. Same I get now, only he makes a boatload more than he did as a drunk on Unemployment.
So, I try to remember how self centered he is, and think, wow...If I could just grab a small bit of that self oriented mindset, I would just be approaching balance. I am so on the other end, now, with him...all take and no give on his part.