Ditto what (((Anvil))) said. When we're active in our addiction, we're not doing it TO anyone, we're just doing it because we want to get high. I can honestly say that never once, did I abuse something and think "okay THIS will show -----!"
Other people weren't even on my mind....getting high was. I didn't stop until the consequences got bad enough that I finally said "I can't do this any more". It took a few times in jail, loss of a nursing career, and being away from my family (had a nephew born while I was "out there") and the possibility of going to prison to get ME to that point.
I will forever be grateful that my loved ones stepped back, let me dig a really deep hole, and then figure a way to get out of it. Yes, they are very supportive of me, now, but then I've been working my recovery for a little over 4 years. I had to earn back their trust, but I knew I always had their love.
I'm glad you and the kids are staying at your parents. It may not be what you WANT but I do believe it's what you need....to be away from him and let him figure out if he wants to continue the using/drinking, or get into recovery. You and your kids don't need a front row seat to his behaviors.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy