Just wanna add my personal 2 cents. Now that I am on the other side, away from the Devil I know...I gotta say, any Devil I don't know that comes up, I feel WAY more prepared to handle because I don't have a death grip on my exabf's alcoholic train that's careening off a cliff right now..much easier to handle all the problems life throws at you, alone, on your own 2 feet, wihtout someone who's sinking dragging you down into their muck.
Originally Posted by
LaPinturaBella 
"Yes, I felt so embarassed because I was feeling strong and empowered and then I gave him a chance and to speak and all of my "strength" went out the door."
Because we want to believe that they finally get it. It's also conditioned. He speaks, you give hm another chance. Making a change is scary. Staying were you are, giving him another chance to get it right is comfortable, even if it stinks to high heaven. It's what you now. There's a reason the following saying is a cliche...it's true of most people..."The Devil You Know Is Better Than the One You Don't." We are comfortable with the Devil We Know because we can pretty much predict that devil's behavior. The unknown is highly fear based because we have no idea and our imaginations tend to go to the worst possible scenario.
Healing from all of this, changing our world view, doing the work necessary to change and get healthy is hard AND it takes time and a concerted effort. It's one step forward, two steps back. At other times it's three steps forward and one step back. It gets easier but it takes a while. And we need others to help us. So PLEASE do not give up on yourself. You are too valuable. This is why we are all here on the planet...to GROW!