Originally Posted by
NobleCause 
I am divorced. I ultimately left the marriage to avoid being confronted about my drinking, to not be held accountable for stopping, and to flee the constant reminders of the damage I'd wrought when drunk. I loved my ex-husband very, very much, but I had no handle on my drinking and, for myriad reasons, wasn't ready to stop. It seemed less complicated for all involved for me to just split, and so one day I did - doesn't mean for a second that I didn't love him, just that my priority was in satisfying the daily need for a drink, as it felt like the most urgent thing in my world. It's got little to do with love, in my opinion, and much more with being truly ready to stop.
Well said.
Also a few side thoughts. Ironically for me , I had a much much easier time expressing my love and affection when drinking. I felt less stressed and more relaxed , the little minute things didn't irritate me etc. I felt more comfortable.
Also , towards the end it almost feels like perhaps you left with the idea of forcing him to change and now you are hurting because he hasn't ? If that's the case , then it's going to be a lose/lose situation I believe. If you aren't truly finished and done and out of love and ready to move on then you will continue to hurt when he doesn't change.
If he changes and stops drinking he will most likely be a completely different person that you will barely know. If he does because yougave him an ultimatum and he really doesn't want to quit then he may grow to resent that. ( not always )
Not drinking may have nothing to do with his lack of affection, he also may be drinking MORE because he thinks you are attempting to control him by leaving. Bottom line , I think it's really important that you are sure in YOUR heart and mind that you are finished with the relationship and him before you decide to move on and leave. Us alkies can be very persuasive and charming when we want something.