Originally Posted by
kmkluvr1 
BHF: This sounds like it could be the case or at least a little for axbf.
I am starting to think that i was just a convenience for him too, after it was brought to my attention yesterday.
Thank you Omega, I have a local Al-anon group that i have threaten myself with every Monday, even drove by once. Last night just the thought of going in there brought me to tears. When does the sadness stop? One day I am fine and the next i am a mess, all the while he seems to be just fine. He tells me loves........but I pretty sure he doesnt or at least not in a way that would work for us. Then all of the questions begin again, 4 years and a son, and he doesnt even put up fight? what was all the time together? How can he say he cares and do nothing? When will i stop going through this cycle of pain, sadness and confusion? Oh my gosh sorry for going on and on , i saw axbf drug using sister yesterday, who is a down right worthless in my book, and not a suitable mother(to say the very least), which put me in a bad mood, from then on. Thanks all, time to work.........
Not to insult you...but you sound like me...after God sent those two mysterious letters (AA) into my mind with sufficient force for me to Google some meetings...I wrote down the meeting schedule and then tucked it away in my desk until two weeks later when the misses found it...she thought it was some other woman's phone number and the times and addresses we were going to meet, lol.
The sadness, the pain, it does not technically stop, but our perspectives on it change, today I can enjoy emotions, they are healthy.
Insight: When I told the misses I loved her that meant I wanted something. Only two things I can without a doubt say I ever loved...booze/dope and God. Everything else just kinda fit in somewhere if you catch my drift. Now did I want to love them...yes, but that is a whole other conversation.
Park your can in a meeting OR not. Crushed by this self imposed(yes, I really meant self imposed) crisis...what is your choice to be???
