BHF: This sounds like it could be the case or at least a little for axbf.
My experience: There are certain things in my past that predate every relationship that I have been in. I am naturally ashamed of these things and I do not want others, especially any significant other, to know. The more I hide them, the worse the shame and guilt gets. Basically, I did not like myself, yet wanted these women to like me for the image I presented to them. I had absolutely no business being in a relationship because I had nothing to offer. Low self-esteem coupled with an inflated ego led me to become even more attached to girlfriends because it was like the alcohol for me, it made me feel better about myself to have someone there when I wanted them. Selfish? Yes. I cared about them, but primarily because of the way that they made me feel. I didn't really concern myself with what they wanted out of the relationship.
I am starting to think that i was just a convenience for him too, after it was brought to my attention yesterday.
Thank you Omega, I have a local Al-anon group that i have threaten myself with every Monday, even drove by once. Last night just the thought of going in there brought me to tears. When does the sadness stop? One day I am fine and the next i am a mess, all the while he seems to be just fine. He tells me loves........but I pretty sure he doesnt or at least not in a way that would work for us. Then all of the questions begin again, 4 years and a son, and he doesnt even put up fight? what was all the time together? How can he say he cares and do nothing? When will i stop going through this cycle of pain, sadness and confusion? Oh my gosh sorry for going on and on , i saw axbf drug using sister yesterday, who is a down right worthless in my book, and not a suitable mother(to say the very least), which put me in a bad mood, from then on. Thanks all, time to work.........
