I have been wondering if.....To me when you love someone it should come easy for the other person to feel/see/know that you love them by your actions. But of course being alcoholics they seemed to preoccupied, and not really into showing that much true affection, leading me to believe that it was something wrong with me. I guess I am just trying to get some perspective from the other side.
This reply is strictly from my point of view only, applying only to me as an alcoholic. One of my apparent hobbies as an active alcoholic was destroying relationships and hurting those who cared about me the most.
My experience: There are certain things in my past that predate every relationship that I have been in. I am naturally ashamed of these things and I do not want others, especially any significant other, to know. The more I hide them, the worse the shame and guilt gets. Basically, I did not like myself, yet wanted these women to like me for the image I presented to them. I had absolutely no business being in a relationship because I had nothing to offer. Low self-esteem coupled with an inflated ego led me to become even more attached to girlfriends because it was like the alcohol for me, it made me feel better about myself to have someone there when I wanted them. Selfish? Yes. I cared about them, but primarily because of the way that they made me feel. I didn't really concern myself with what they wanted out of the relationship.
So....after rambling, I would say that no...for me personally, I am not capable of being in a healthy relationship while I am actively drinking and not working a program of recovery. When I'm in this state, I'm in self-destruct mode and that's poison to a relationship. Am I capable of being in a healthy relationship while sober and working a program of recovery? Yeah...I think so.