It's been said before, but bears repeating: "alcoholics don't have relationships, they take hostages."
I just got out of a three year long "hostage" situation about a month ago and the peace and serenity, the normalcy in my life is wonderful. I have my up and down days but they're not like the insanity of living with and loving a A.
I too, saw his "potential", saw a kind and caring man underneath the verbally abusive, angry, mean drunk. I kept thinking that my love could bring out his potential, his loving side but that didn't work. Nothing that I did or said worked.
What worked for me was going to Al-Anon, reading "Co-Dependent No More", looking at my role in the drama, changing my attitudes, mt reactions, learning to detach from the drama, setting boundaries with him when it came to drinking and finally accepting the 3 C's:
I didn't cause his drinking,
I can't control his drinking
I can't cure his drinking.
Only they can make the decision to keep on drinking or get sober.