Well I am at 2 weeks and some change. Feeling pretty good. It seems like so much longer than two weeks since I was wondering around in a haze. It's funny how fast time slips by when drinking. I have done more in the last two weeks than I did all winter. A good feeling.
A few observations. I haven't really had significant cravings, a few fleeting thoughts but nothing overwhelming. I have been staying fairly busy which helps I guess. Not on purpose, I just realized how much stuff I was neglecting while drinking. I still have a lot of stuff to address, but getting stuff done feels great.
The one day at a time mentality does ring true with me. Though in a way much different than I expected. I looked at it as everyday was going to be a huge struggle which hasn't been true for me. However if I start to think about being sober forever, or never having another drink, or being sober in 5 years it is difficult to grasp and at times daunting. However, if I just plan and live today as a sober person, it is very manageable, as well as enjoyable. Kind of a mind trick I guess, but if it works...
I remember worrying a great deal about how much my life would have to change if I got sober. I used it as a primary excuse not to stop. There was always that one more event I wanted to participate in before I quit. I generally like my friends, surroundings, and activities. I was scared that those things were going to be different for some weird reason. In reality the only major changes have been better health, clarity of mind, more motivation, and not having to plan everything around my drinking. I know this is different than many but it is my experience thus far.
I have been in many drinking situations the past couple of weeks. I haven't really had much of an issue with it though. I do avoid the gatherings that carry the sole purpose of drinking, seems pointless if I am sober. My friends haven't even really questioned me. I'm not sure they even notice.
The insomnia is gone. My fear level has returned back to what I think is normal for me. I had a little too much courage while drinking and that was a problem given my lifestyle, more than a few broken bones the last few years. I think my anxiety level is higher than when drinking, but probably at a healthy level. While drinking, if anxiety creeped in, I would wash it away. I was also fairly depressed when drinking, I considered going on meds, but remarkably the depression evaporated with the alcohol. I am very thankful for that. Depression is such a terrible thing. I have enormous sympathy for those that suffer from the disorder. Crippling.
I am saving a bunch of money which is great. Alcohol, especially stuff that is palatable (though I was never ashamed to drink anything available), is expensive. Especially on a daily basis. That money is going to stuff that will be around longer than the hour or so it takes me to pee it out.
My shoulder is finally recovering. The docs never did figure out what was wrong with it. I suspect that the healing process is easier for my body when sober, go figure. Otherwise my health seems to be improving generally. Chronic dry mouth is finally dissipating and the phantom aches and pains are vacating my premises as well.
My therapist has been helpful on a number of fronts. We have discussed the drinking and it's route causes, she hasn't quite figured out why I was drinking so much other than I really like to drink, but we are getting there. Interestingly we have spent more time on other issues, nothing major, but there are definitely some things that are helpful to talk through and examine. Certainly therapeutic.
Well that is my check in. I have physically been here before, but mentally I feel like it's a whole different ball game. The support and prioritization seem to be the difference. I have finally come to realize how imperative the mental part is. A long way to go, a lot of work ahead, but like a difficult climb, sometimes turning around isn't an option, so focus upwards and commit.
Just wanted to share a bit as I have gained so much from all the folks on SR. I wish you all the best sober days ahead.