Originally Posted by
Autumn9 
What do you do when you've been an enabler for over a year...Then your recent dry drunk boyfriend decides he hates you, no longer wants to be with you, and doesn't love you? He was an alcoholic before he met me, but I didn't know to what extent, until it was too late. I fell for him, and the life we made together when he wasn't at his low point.
Now instead of feeling stronger, knowing that I can live a healthy, productive life without fear of his moods wings, temper, abusive behavior, and inability to keep a job; I feel sadness and loneliness.
Yes, it was nice, wasn't it? Those beautiful romantic first years.
They changed, didn't they?
But you haven't changed yet.
That's hard, isn't it?
That's why this forum is here.
You feeling sadness and lonliness is natural after the demise of any relationship. It lasts a good while if you love deeply too, but you can have good days by finding the things you cherish in life and going after them--those things you love in life besides him, those things you loved before you knew him.
It's hard to imagine life now without him? Yes, it is at first. That does fade. It is a patience game, time is a key factor.
One more thing that I had to realize--I can't control him. If he wants to change, he will. It is his choice, and if he does it, he will do it when he wants to, not when I whine, threaten, or complain.
It was really tough giving up that imaginary control.
I think the best thing we can do for them is let them go, and let them decide what is important in their life.
As long as we stay in their life, they can have their cake and eat it too, and when nothing changes, nothing changes.