My journal entry...
Thought I'd share my journal entry with you all from today...
Today was mostly a good day for me, and it is partly because I forced it. I am a bit more at ease about my situation, and it is what I was originally afraid of because I just knew that if i calmed down, I would fall for whatever. This is one of the reasons i wanted to leave immediately upon finding out. The last thing I want to do is to look up and be either here, or in a worse situation five years from now.
I almost did fall into trying to believe him, and his family since they were fighting so hard to convince me that I am being foolish for thing that HE could be on drugs. He would NEVER touch drugs - they mean this too. I aalmost did feel bad because the whole while they are talking to me, I am thinking "**** what you are talking about, i live with the man, not you." But in reality, either they are in denial, or they know and dont care about lying for him.
Either way this goes, I have made up my mind to leave, but to give him an ultimatum- he gets help, and joins me in a whole new environment which may help him a bit more than same ole' people. I dont even know who they are- who IS he getting the stuff from/doing it with??!! Im freaking clueless.
So, now, problem is, since he has taken his confession back, and insists that he is so appalled a the fact that I can even think something like that- makes it hard to move to the next step. I was planning to just leave things as they are, and when he comes home from work one day- be gone. But, since I love him, and would definitely like for my marriage to last longer than a month, I am going to take a chance now, and go and try to get that confession back, and tell him that i will be leaving if we cant move forward. I hate to mention that I am leaving before i actually do because I feel the drama that will accompany the news.
Well, here I go. I am going to try this one more time, and see if I can get some where. Wish me luck.