I am certainly thankful to have found this site- which I cannot express enough. Today, I feel much better about this whole thing, as you all have said, I should just be a little more patient than I am today, but I have to be honest, when I said I was ready to jump in my car and run IMMEDIATELY- I didn't care about anything except that lil file with the most important papers in it. I was married April 5 LAST MONTH, and on my way to file for a divorce today- but I think I will hang around here at least a couple more weeks and make sure i am doing the right thing. Two days is definitely not long enough to decide on something like that, as I said, I have experience, and I dont think there is anything else on this earth that terrifies me more than having another loved one fall victim to this thing, and having to be right there to see it, to feel it, to suffer from it, all over again, and the pain of knowing the hell the user suffers to keep up the habit, to hide the habit and the things you do, see, etc while in this state. Then you do have the stealing from loved ones. I have one too many horror stories of men with drug addictions who were otherwise very beautiful people, and they somehow end up murdering someone close to them like a parent, sibling, best friend, or spouse, etc. Both of my parents have drug addictions, so you see, I have some deep deep psychological issues with this thing which I have just began to feel I had over come within the past 12 years, but now I am asking myself if the two may be related even? God is good, and he knows best. Thanks again.
Oh, I live in a rather small town, and for the first time in my life, I am also feeling reluctant to reach out for help because I know that as soon as I do, I will lose money around here. I just thought about this this morning when thinking about which meetings I could attend.