Thanks for your support. I think he is really considering just breaking off all contact for a while, because it seems that no matter what he says, they just twist it all around. An example of that is his sister telling him "you dont come over for holidays and you never call".
What she either doesn't know, or is just ignoring, is that Thanksgiving he didnt go to their house for the first time ever because he didnt have the gas, and nobody was interested in picking him up. Instead, they canceled Thanksgiving.
And then for Christmas, we made a compromise that since I was working both Christmas Eve and Christmas day, he would visit his family while I was working, and we would spend the evenings together. They got all upset because he asked to have dinner earlier in the day so that he could eat with them, and they wanted him to come at night (because we always have dinner at night) and leave me home alone, all night, on Christmas. And he refused to leave me home alone on Christmas, so they got upset.
As for him 'never calling', until the Friday night drunk visit from Hell, where she told him that he 'didnt have a mother anymore', he was calling every few days to talk to them. But his sister was never home to know about the calls, because she is usually out running the streets with her friends.
No matter what he says or how hard he tries to please them, nothing is ever good enough. Honestly, it would be a huge relief to get a break from that, at least for a while.
But there is one good person in the family that Scott loves very much. His Grandpa, who is recovering from throat cancer. This man has a heart of gold, never has a bad thing to say about anyone, and would help anyone who needed it. An example is a few weeks ago, he called and told us that he had cut us firewood, and he's in his 70's or 80's, and still getting cancer treatments!
Scott has really been trying to strengthen his relationship with his grandpa, especially since that is the only real father figure in his life. His Grandpa will not say anything to anyone in defense of him, because 'staying out of it' has been how he has managed to live with his Grandma for so long. He is laid back, almost to a fault.
So cutting off contact with his family means losing contact with his Grandpa. That hurts me just thinking of it, because I know how much he means to Scott. And I hate that we are put in this position! Really sweet people are so hard to find that when you do manage to find one, you are so tempted to do whatever it takes to keep them in your life. At least thats how I feel.
Has anyone else here had to make the heartbreaking decision to cut off contact with someone they care about and who really cares back, just because they are a package deal with a toxic person? If so, did you ever find a way around it? Did it get easier? Or is it something you regret?