Hi Kelly - I'm so glad you made the decision to go to treatment. It helped me so much - it was the first time in my life I paid attention to ME.
I don't think you have to have the Higher Power thing all figured out.
In a sense, it is not so much recognizing the presence of a god as it is the realization that we aren’t one.
I think we have to accept where we are and just have an open mind, realizing that we have limitations and don't know everything. It's about connecting with the human spirit. I find that I can feel that connection more often when my mind is quiet - like I let go of my concepts - and with an open heart.
When I first started, I began with the idea that if there was a God at all, he/she had to be love (because if he/she wasn't, I wasn't interested). I needed something simple, haha! So the "turning over" part wasn't about forcing myself to believe, or leaving my life in the hands of some power I knew nothing about. It was just me saying "if there's a better way, a higher way, I'm willing to be shown."
Hope that helps! Carry on - you're doing great!!
