I was feeling the same as you for a while, ( like three months.). Went to some meetings and realized there is much to be grateful for. I am also slowly learning to deal with the 'what could have beens.'. Those will eat you alive and lead to many relapses. You have to let go of what once was, or the guilt and bitterness will eat you alive. Tomorrow can be the first day of the rest of your life, if you just don't drink. Things will get better with time if you work a program and stay strong.