I feel so much of how you feel. My RAH left me and our family 8 days ago and its been a roller coaster. I know its hard because you miss and love him. I came to this sight a few months back but never really followed through on posting, etc..until he left me. Just try and take baby steps and go day by day. My RAH too took up with a woman who enables his drinking and it hurts like hell but just remember they are broken inside and he will be no better with her. Try to get some distance and keep busy and do not settle for being treated less than what you deserve. Do not be hard on yourself, that's my worst problem! You will be fine...