Welcome to the forum.
You
aren't alone - I had that same reaction.
Alcoholism tends to isolate those close to the alcoholic, because we feel this need to keep the "secret," so we start to do everything on our own, and then start to do the alcoholic's things as well.
You didn't know his lies, so no, you're not a liar, too.
You aren't forcing him to drink, so you're not causing the alcoholism, either.
Both the lies and the drinking are his decisions, and have nothing to do with you.
The three C's:
You didn't
CAUSE it.
You can't
CONTROL it.
You can't
CURE it.
This is something that he needs to do on his own.
Meanwhile, there are things you can do to help you, and potentially help him by example. Just like there's AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) for alcoholics, there's Al-Anon for those who have been affected by someone else's drinking.
I suggest you attend at least six, some different, and at least some "Newcomer Meetings," to decide if it helps. Each meeting is different, and you may feel you belong better in one meeting than in another.
How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico
As much as it helps to have the forum, and break the loneliness barrier, there's also no substitute for talking to real people, face to face.
Do not worry, this program is also anonymous, nobody is allowed to talk about what happens inside the meetings when they come out of the meeting. You don't have to talk if you don't want to - you don't even have to give them your real first name. And if you meet someone there you know... they're there for the same reason, there's no judgment in the rooms.
I'm glad you found us.
Welcome.
