Is my boyfriend an alcoholic?
First let me start by saying that I love my boyfriend. He is a good man and a smart man, but when it comes it alcohol, he doesn't understand my concerns. We have been together 4 years, cohabitating for about 2 of those years. We are both in our mid 30's with good jobs. We are both well educated and have good relationships with our familes.
My issue is that he like to drink, a lot. It's not the he drinks every day, but if he doesn't have to work the next day chances are he will want to drink. I understand that - I like having a glass or two of wine on the weekend. And I still get drunk sometimes, not very often but it does happen sometimes. So I try not to be judgemental, but then when the third beer turns into the 9th beer, then the 10th beer, then when the beer runs out it's vodka and 7-up. Everytime he says he feels like "having a drink" to unwind, I know that means finishing as much available booze as he can before he passes out. It's like he doesn't have impulse control when it comes to alcohol. I've haven't seen him have just ONE beer in a long, long time.
It's gotten to the point where I have asked him if he is an alcoholic. He of course says no. I ask why he can't just have a few and be done with it. His excuse is "don't worry baby, it's the weekend and I'm just going to have a few to relax. I've had a long week." In my mind I'm thinking that I too have had a long week and I too want to relax, but that I don't need alcoholic to relax. I feel like it's gotten to the point that he can't relax without it.
He is responsible during the week - when he knows he has work the next day he doesn't touch a drop of alcohol. But then the weekend comes it's a whole different story.
I'm at the point where I just don't know how to handle this. We talk about getting married and buying a house, having some kids, a dog... the whole white picket fence American Dream thing. I want that with him, very much. But I don't think I can if his behavior continues. He's not a bad drunk, he's never mean when he drinks. He doesn't drive drunk. What I can't do is compete with a bottle of vodka on the weekend. I've outright asked him to not drink and that didn't work. He said just one, I backed down and it turns into just one more, and just one more until he gets drunk. Last night I asked him to just have a few - He promised no more than 4 and he drank 8 beers. He was by himself on the couch and I was sleeping in the bedroom. I don't understand why he can't just stop after one.
Is he a functioning alcoholic? How can I get through to him?